PART4} I need all the prayers I can get from everyone. Thank you for your prayers and put them out into my new Universe where GOD can answer them . Never give up or lose hope because it can always get better I have to Believe that.......GOD Bless all of you.

PART#} because if it can always get worse then it must mean it can always get better too. So here I am dangling by a thread in the middle off my cracked Universe trying to sew it back together and I know even if I succeed it can never be what it once was , the way it was when the weight of the world got to big and heavy for me to carry alone so when Sean left I got so heavy & that is the point in space time when my Universe cracked in two.For a long time I just floated in this space until I found this thread of hope that it can get better so I am sewing a new Universe that GOD willing will be much better than the one I came from that was always painful  in so many ways, now my new Universe will be happy & never lonely,that is what I'm trying to sew together with this thread GOD gave me.I will be so happy when I have sewn a new Universe full of love warmth happiness where loneliness never existed.Until then I pray and I sew with my thread of hope to fix my life. Pray for me please,I need all the prayers I can

I am so lost in this big space full of time and just me and those that have taken advantage of my situation so that they profit off of my misery. Its a pain so big I can't measure it on any scale that exists in this world. every time I fall down I am more lost even when I think it can't get worse I am here to tell you no matter the situation it can always get worse. So please never say that things couldn't be worse because the universe will kick your ass in a ways you never dreamed even existed. I always think its going to get better at any second .....I'm still praying and hoping, it has to come because

PART 2}  Because of the defining sound of the Universe Cracking in two. Its not fair I am not suppose to be burring my sons, they are supposed to do that like I did for my mom. My 1st son Nathan lived 3 months and 12 days, and my oldest Sean lived 23 years, I am thankful for the time I had with both of them and I always keep thinking what I should have done to make your lives better or what could I have done to keep from ever losing you two. I have all this empty space in my life filled with nothing but time. Times full of would of's and could of's and should of's and if olny's. Its so lonely and empty in my world full of this space, of time and loneliness trying to find a way out of this but I climb and fall every time I get a little higher just to fall down even further no one knows how bad it is except me and GOD. I just hope he rears me soon. please pray for my family and I.

I miss you Sean my amazing son whom was taken way to soon only 23 years old such a big heart and sweet soul always loved. A wonderful son to me.I'm sorry you got cheated out of 2/3's of your life, its not fair Your life was just starting to take off and a senseless tragedy took you from this world.Since Sept 7th 2012 I kind of checked out of life I have been on auto pilot on survival mode Just surviving life and not living it. I wouldn't know what living it instead of surviving it feels like its been pretty bad most of my life.Then your brother was murdered, all my marriages ,college, military all epic failures then my mom died on your birthday I miss her to she was always there to listen, I feel like maybe I should have listened more and been there for her. Then my life came to a cataclysmic stop on Sept 7th 2012 at about 10 :00am when a policeman knocked on my door at the hotel to inform me you are no longer living. I don't know exactly how he said it because