ok so students! they love to get drunk. so do people who visit student bars, because they're so cheap
but let me tell you something
you should throw up IN the toilet, not on the floor next to it
if you're going to shit yourself because you've drank too much, please DONT leave your dirty boxers on the bar
if you think you're going to be 'MORTAL' after one fish bowl, you sir, are mistaken, those things are designed to take your money, it's mainly ice and soda water in there
when trying your best pick up line then being a dick when you're turned down - pleas hurl abuse at us and spill your pint of sticky cider all over the bar and down my uniform... cunt
when asked to leave at the end of the night, don't try the whole 'but I know the manager' crap
of course you know our manager, he's one of the people forced to serve bums like you tonight... I know the manager too... same rule for everyone bucko
'do you sell beer?' - genuine question
no mate this is a Florist
'what can I get for .....£2?'
a burger and a pack of chewies? go home moron it's 2am
the man that asked me and 2 girls for a three some while one of the girls boyfriends and the manager where stood next to him! get out you moron, you're barred
don't get me wrong, some customers are nice and funny and worth the time of day to talk to
like the 3 brothers who I see on a Saturday, 'two shots of sambucca and a shot of water... he won't know the difference he's already hammered ;)'
the man who drinks Guinness and talks about his day then tells the exact same pun joke every time
the lady who brings her grandson in during the day for his lunch and watch LCFC play on the tv
he always has sausage beans and chips and she has a pie
always worth talking to
.....

I haven't always been a chef. I did bar work since I was 15
started out as a glass collector then flourished into a bar tender and then got so fed up of all the cunts and twats I had to deal with I decided I hated people and wanted nothing to do with them... until I found out you couldn't really get away from them no matter where you worked
learn to embrace it
I was 15 when I started out as a glad collector at my local pub.
smoking wasn't banned those days btw just to give you an insight of how old I am feeling,
I'd glass collect and talk to everyone, I'd socialise, ok mainly with the older generation, but I was happy. I'd dance to the music, I was entertaining. then I was promoted when I was 17 and got to work on the bar (this was before the legalisation that anyone under 18 wasn't aloud to work in a bar)
'can you top up my pint?'
well, no, you've just taken a swig from it... just no!
'are you old enough to work behind a bar?' (I was asked this frequently. as I am rather short)
well, obviously I am else I wouldn't be here now would I?
these ones weren't so bad, just you wait until you read what happened when I got a job in a student bar!

don't you just hate it when people change their minds after you've sent there food
'I ordered my desert with icecream not custard'
you clearly didn't else the ticket would say "with icecream" but no, it says with custard
or when their main meal gets to them
'I ordered fish and chips. this is a steak'
NO ONE ON YOUR TABLE ORDERED A FISH AND CHIPS?!
another problem with communication from FOH to kitchen staff then I guess
I mean, rare steak sounds so much like Fish and Chips....

staffing can be an issue, in places I've worked I think a certain about of brain farting is a quality you need when being hired
'which ones the chicken burger?'
well considering you're holding a chicken burger and a beef burger, I'm guessing the one with the chicken in it......?
'what's a tea pot?'
'how much alcohol is in the steak and ale pie?'
why...?
'because the lady ordering doesn't want her son to get drunk'
don't buy him a beer then...
'I smashed a glass in the sink, I got out what I could but I didn't want to put my hands in the water to search for shards incase I got cut'
EMPTY THE WATER THEN!!!
I could go on

so, I made this blog, because I am a chef
and in any trade you always get your dick heads, douches and weird bums. this is my blog, to tell you all about the ones I come/ came into contact with over the years.
like I said, I've been a chef for 3 years, so there's quite a few
my pet peeves in this job is people (sometimes people in general..) changing the menu.
like Friday and Saturday....
weekends are our busiest, so a smooth sailing shift would be best! you'd think so, right? wrong
almost every meal wanted extra adding on or swapping something for something else. I wouldn't mind if it was a portion of chips instead of mash
but when you're asked to double up a burger, when doubling up isn't an option, or 'can I have chips instead of salad...when chips aren't specific to that dish'
no, because chips are more costly than salad! if you pay for it, you can. but I'm not giving you it for free
there'll be more on this subject