I just want to hold you... I'm so tired so so tired. Tonight I'm miserable just sitting here thinking about you as I always do and I just want to hold you in my arms and sleep. No funny business. I just need.... you.

Found out a friend of the family died today. RIP Shannon.

I'm sorry I missed you today. I was trying to properly train this guy and go in depth with having to key. I miss you and hope your day is going well.

I sometimes lie to my cousins and tell them I got checked out or this girl thinks I'm cute, but in all honesty, I've not been looked at or hit on in an extremely long time. This is how I am sure I'm going to be alone. And when I try there's always something in the way or its just not time. I know I'm not attractive and it's ok. I like playing games and wasting my life. Better than going out and getting reminded how much I don't matter to anyone in a loving way.

Feeling so fucking shitty right now. Hurting and my stomach is fucked. Sandman please sprinkle the dust on so I don't have to feel this anymore

I need some excitement in my life right now. Powering down.

Yet again, another person suggested we looked cute together.... Bastards lol

You're the bad one, no you're bad, no you are, no you lol. <3 I don't care if you can't care. As long as you let me be who I am with you.

Today is a good day.

Last night this dream i had was very weird. I don't know what it means. But in there i killed myself. I was wearing this backpack and was in a room with 9 other people. We knew there was a kills switch on the backpack somewhere and we knew that either we had to kill ourselves or we were going to be killed. So my cousin and I were hitting the switches for the 8 others and when it came time for us we decided to press the buttons at the same time. When we did this, i was the last one alive and it took only seconds for my body and mind to shut down, and i was surprised at how fast it took affect. I was scared one second then calm the next. I managed to mutter the words i love you.

In my dreams I'm dying all the time As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind I never meant to hurt you I never meant to lie So this is goodbye This is goodbye Tell the truth you never wanted me Tell me In my dreams I'm jealous all the time As I wake I'm going out of my mind Going out of my mind

It's still happening. These dreams of you will not stop. They coming every other night. And they're not all just quick random dreams, most of them are of you and I together. It's just not fair. Ohh well, just not meant to be.

I would advise you not to look at this page anymore since I will be pretty much using this as my diary of sorts. But as for tonight I'm feeling like shit mentally and emotionally. I hate being sad. It sucks. I'm hoping this will pass sooner than later. I'm irritated and annoyed.

I'm so incredibly tired today. Just can't take the tiredness. Eventually I'll sleep good.

I used to enjoy these dreams I have almost every night. Now they hurt :(((((((((

I am as I've been and will continue to be, forever mending broken souls, sending them unto other broken souls to fix... Life is just unfair. When will my happiness come?

I'm hurt. :'( . But it's my fault anyway for trying to chase someone who was involved. Fucking bullshit. I'm so fucking stupid! I guess now I just need to turn into a callous fuck like usual. Done. That's why dreams are fucking dreams. Just bullshit fake lies never to be obtained an only dreamt of. Never ever try to achieve your dreams, they'll just destroy you inside and out. I'm angry at myself, not you in case you read this.

We all get sad sometimes. I get sad sometimes because I miss you. But just remember I turn the sadness around very quickly. So please just be a little patient with me.

Another day of pretend smiles. :)

Aww of course I would come out for a break and look up and the song Amber by 311 would come on. Fml