Since you will never read this, I am going to write this for me. The first thing I noticed about you was your eyes. Ok, the first thing I noticed was that you were an Aussie, then it was your eyes. I knew there was something there I had to find out. I sent you the friend request and started to learn more about you. I saw your artwork and although it is awesome, your words drew me in. It took me 3 days to read every blog you had written since you started your page, but by the end I started to get a feel for who you were. I would send you a message here and there and you would respond. It was hard though because you and I are 12 hours time difference. But we started to become friends.
Then came the day that I would like to think of as the day I knew there was a connection. That was the day I read the blog about you being told you were not good enough. The minute I read that part I literally saw red. I was so angry I wanted to, for the first time in my life, cause someone harm. How could someone spend so much time with you and think you were not good enough for them. I was shaking I was so mad. I had to call my best friend just to calm myself down. I looked into getting my passport and coming to hunt her down. What I had been learning about you had shown me what a truly unique and wonderful person you were. That is the day that I wrote my first blog about you. I wrote about how mad I was for what she had said had said to you. I said how much I thought she was the dumbest person alive. I wrote about how I wanted I find her and tell her how stupid she was for treating you the way she did.
This was to be the true start of our friendship. On that day I think you started to see that I truly gave a damn what would happen to you. After that we started to write each other more. You even let me hear some of the music you were working on. You would send me your music and ask my opinion on what I thought. We became true friends. You sent me a short story you had written when you were younger. You started to talk to me about your family and how your dad wanted you to be a writer.
Then came the day you were on and so was I. We had been messaging in our pages when you asked me if I had an IM. I gave it to you and we started to chat on there. You told me you had a strange dream about me and wanted to talk to me. We chatted for a while on the IM and then you asked for my phone number. I am gonna be honest here, I was exstatic. I told you to give me about 30 minutes so I could get the kids ready an take them to eat so we could talk. When you called the first time I was so damn nervous. I was so nervous I felt like I was going to throw up. The first time I hear your voice I was so happy. You actually wanted to talk to me. You actually wanted to hear my voice and get to know me. I was kind of blown away.
Then came the phone call that would change things forever. We were at Cedar Point and about to get on a ride. You called and we talked for a short time before getting on the ride. I could hear in your voice that you needed me. As soon as we got off the ride, I called you right back. It took a little time, and asking the right questions before you would finally open up and tell me what was bothering you. He was coming back and you were afraid you were going to do something stupid like ask her again. We talked for a long time and I told you that she ha hurt you before and I was afraid she would again, but I would be there for you if you needed anyone to talk to. And then you did it. You became the first person to want to know the real me. You wanted o strip me of the mask I hid behind, you wanted to break the wall I had out up, you wanted to melt the ice I had put around my heart. You became the person who took the time to break through every damn defense I had out up. You showed me that someone actually cared enough to break through my walls. You made me let you inside. You did not settle for the answers I gave others. You made me open up. You fought against every obstacle I put in your way. We became even closer after that. You made me dig deeper in my writing. You said I never let anyone see who I was that I just scratched the surface. You even got me to write about my dad and forgive him for all that he had done to our family.
Then came the big mistake. I never had the courage to admit how I felt about you. I was afraid to tell you how I felt about you. I was so worried about losing the friendship we had, that I was not willing to admit that I felt more. I made a mistake and you got so angry with me. It made you so mad that you just walked away. I was left with nothing. You had torn down all my defenses and I was left alone. It took a while, but I was able to forget. Well not forget, but I was able to move forward. I rebuilt those walls, I replaced the ice around my heart and I put the mask back on. You taught me that there is someone out there who cares enough to see the real me, but you also taught me that I was not good enough to fight for. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about you. There is not a day that goes by that I do not regret some of the choices I have made. But I will never regret meeting you. Even if you were only in my life for a short time. I will always remember you for what you have done for me. Knowing you are in this world makes me believe that there are still some good people out there. I know I have to let you go, but I am not sure how I can do that. I guess by writing about it, I am hoping that I can let you go. One day there may come a time when I can remember you without some pain attached. Until that time, I will think about you daily and hope that life is giving you nothing but happiness.