And when will that time be?? :(

Valentines day I ruined because I shoplifted... I wanted to save as much money as I could at any way possible. I even still shoplift now...it's pretty horrible. For days and nights I cried about Valentines Day...I ruined it for you. I ruined you and I feel like I should burn in the pits of hell. *sigh* I would like to know what movie it was...if you wouldn't mind. THings haven't been going spiffy...me and her have been argueing a lot....It seems as though I can never do right....but I am trying.... I know you don't want to hear that...I'm sorry. I spend over 300 dollars a month...300 for monthly rent and the rest for gas..food, and other things... So much for saving huh... I feel so horrible, I feel like I'm stuck in limbo and the world is laughing at me....I'm stuck between her and her family, they met me and they love me...and I'm stuck between wanting you still. Am I a horrible person? Cus I mean.... I'm happy with her but I think of you, and I know if I went to you I would be happy but think of her.

This week is going to be a tough week....so much damn work to do.

*sigh* Idk what to say or do. My relatoinship...it's going great, there really isn't anything wrong between us, but I still reach out to you. I miss you...but I really shouldn't even be saying these things...wouldn't this be considered cheating?!?!?! *sigh* Idk what to do, I'm such a horrible person....

I came out to my parents about being a lesbian. Full blown out. That's why I'm moved out. My mother said I could have told her no about me and the one I'm with taking a break....but she's a hypocrite, and that most certainly wouldn't have worked out to well. So I told my parents that they can either have Thanksgiving with the one I'm with and myself, or I'm not showing up. They said that she wasn't THEIR family so no. So looks like I'm going to have Thanksgiving with people I barley know. *sigh* I'm just....I'm depressed, because though I'm with her, I think of the other girl. I smell her scent, instead of the girl I'm withs', One time, the person I'm with called me, and instead I heard the other girls voice.....Why is this happening??? I cried over her the other day...I just sat there with a friend and cried....And the person I'm with doesn't know about any of this. She can't.... Everything will go wrong. hell, I'm moved in with the person I'm with....*sigh* why life....just...why?...

I just had the most stressful week of my life. 3 tests, a speech, and an essay all in one week. *whew* I'm glad that that is over with now. I keep smelling the scent. I hear that voice. That one that was always there...u....you see I can't stop hearing and smelling....It's haunting me. I even have a dream about.... *sigh* I'm off now. Good luck...

The government needs to get their shit together. If they don't, my college won't be payed by the GI Bill, which means my scholarships will have to pay for it which means....not a lot of refund money given back for rent. *sigh* This is so difficult...Why? Just why. That means this summer I'm going to have to work a full-time job. I wonder if a casino will hire me for the summer, I mean, I am 18 now. That would be lovely, get a good pay. I'll have to put a job application in everywhere. I NEED to get a fulltime job over the summer... Please God, help :'(

The latest is being stressed out. I'm fuckin movin out and I'm being shunned out of my family, why?!?! Because I'm a lesbian. A lesbian that's been getting in fights lately with her lover but a lesbian still. I'm just...I"m so stressed out, I'm secretly depressed, this is crazy. I have an 18 credit hour schedule, and I am NEVER home. *sigh* I just wish this would be a little bit easier...And, I hate it when you can't get people out of your head, like they're just sittin there, at every corner you're about to turn, boom, pop up they do. *sigh* I'm about to head to bed, so goodnight all....

I'm afraid I'm not good enough....that' I will never...EVER be good enough. Why can't I be smarter? Why can't I be prettier, or more confident?? *sigh* I HATE having low self-esteem, why can't it just stay positive when it gets there.....