It’s late night and I’m inside the famous Mayan Theater located in Downtown Los Angeles, watching a man dressed as a chupacabra body slam a midget dressed as a festive piñata. This isn’t a dream and I’m not drunk (as far as I can tell). 

For the uninitiated, Lucha VaVoom is a carnival of sexo y violencia (sex and violence for non-Spanish speakers) that merges the worlds of Mexican lucha libre and American burlesque—with a dab of side-show performers to top it off. Think Pee Wee’s Playhouse meets Rock ’n' Wrestling. Hot off the heels of their two sold-out Cinco de Mayo shows, the VaVoom team delivered Glam Slam!—a special one-night only show—to crown the first ever Lucha VaVoom champion and to pay tribute to glam stars, David Bowie and Prince. 

For those of you that need a visual aid, here you go: 

Truth be told, I’ve been a disciple to this Los Angeles tradition ever since I first attended their Halloween show back in 2005. Founded in 2002 as the brainchild of Rita D’Albert and Liz Fairbairn, this wrestling variety show has toured the world with stops including New York, Japan and Australia. You might have seen or heard of other copycat shows that blend Mexican wrestling and burlesque, but this is the original, real deal.  

To get you mentally prepared for what you’ll see at a future show, let me be your Willie Wonka, or White Rabbit if you will, and guide you through this insane sexploitation playground. 

As the night gets underway, an instructional video plays with electropunk queen Peaches explaining the world of Lucha VaVoom, followed by the audience taking the official oath: “I do solemnly swear that I will not believe what I’m about to see tonight.” 

Bow Down to The Champ, Dirty Sanchez

As outrageous as Lucha VaVoom is, no stinky sex act was performed on stage. The Dirty Sanchez I’m referring to is the brand new champion that won the title at Glam Slam! last week. In the world of lucha libre, there are Rudos (bad guys) and there are Technicos (good guys). Dirty Sanchez falls into the grey—or more accurately, brown—area I suppose. The out of shape luchador with a mask that has a handle bar mustache on it, is known for two things: an out of control merkin and a tendency to crap his pants in the ring. On this night, señor Dirty didn’t disappoint. Hoisting the belt over his head, while flipping off the crowd, he was completely covered in his own poop (chocolate pudding, everyone in the front row hopes). 

Lucha VaVoom

Los Angeles Funky Fried Chickens 

If luchadors with bowel issues isn’t for you, you can’t go wrong with fan favorites, The Crazy Chickens. Urban legend has it that these chickens escaped from a well-known fried-chicken chain. The masked tag-team (in full chicken attire) are the equivalent of The Rock and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin inside this theater. The crowd roars to life the moment their base heavy, pulse pounding theme song is played. The high-flying Crazy Chickens competed in the championship Battle Royal, clucking and flapping their wings, in between drop-kicks and clotheslines. They came up on the losing end, but their acrobatics and feather fighting is what the crowd ate up. 

The Grand Dame of Lucha

Even though he didn’t perform at Glam Slam!, I have to give a shout out to the heart and soul of Lucha VaVoom, Cassandro. The “Queen of the Ring” is a combination of glamour and rampage. If this legendary exotico (male wrestlers that have feminine gimmicks) is ever on an upcoming card, buy your tickets as Cassandro is worth the price of admission. 

Lucha VaVoom

The Epic Beauties of Rock and Punk 

As fun as the wrestling matches are, you can’t have the violencia without the sexo. To the delight of the audience, the evening was filled with beautiful, talented and almost-nude women. At every VaVoom show, you’re guaranteed to fall for at least one of the dancers. With Glam being the theme of the night, there was Lux Lacroix doing a spot on tribute of Prince, while the LA Roller Girls brought the funk and sparked naughty thoughts of Heather Graham as Rollergirl in Boogie Nights. 

Two ladies in particular shined. Leigh Acosta delivered an aerial pole dance high above the ring that had everyone clapping and drooling. The final act and showstopper of the night, Marawa The Amazing, is my newest crush. Simply put: the lady has skills. The “Hoola Hoop Master” showed off why she holds 5 Guinness Worlds Records, turning into a human tornado, as hundreds of hula hoops shimmied around her body. 

Pump Up The Jam

One of the best parts of the show is that you’re as big of a character as anyone on stage. The vibrant, vocal (intoxicated) audience is made up of hipsters, bikers, Hispanics, baby boomers, corporate stiffs, wrestling fans and everyone’s favorite: celebrities. Every show I’ve been to I’ve caught a Hollywood face here and there, slumming it with the commoners. This night was no different as Eric Idle, David Arquette (former WCW champ, we’ll never forget), and Nick Zinner of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs were enjoying the festivities. 

The good times kept rolling by the emcees and purveyors of comedy, Blaine Capatch, Jeff Davis (dressed as Jareth from Labyrinth) and one of the Skylar Brothers. Their sharp tongues and sly deliveries kept the audience cracking up during and in-between acts/matches. One will never be disappointed with VaVoom’s rotating roster of comedians like Patton Oswalt, Dana Gould and Tom Kenny (Spongebob Squarepants). 

So if you’re ready to take the red pill, all you have to do is yell out: VAVOOM!