Hear ye! Hear ye! By the powers handed down to me by my liquor store clerk, accountant and editor, I officially (and unofficially) declare March 16, 2016 as “Stone Cold” Steve Austin Day! [Roars and applause from the crowd].

3.16.16 is tailored made to celebrate Austin 3:16. Now, this proclamation isn’t a free pass for you to drink beer all day and give your boss a “stunner.” Nor does it mean you can walk around with a black vest and gold chain, flipping people off. (Granted, for some of you all of this might be a regular Wednesday.) Today is a day to look back and celebrate the legend that is The Texas Rattlesnake. The Father of the Attitude Era. The toughest S.O.B the WWE has ever known: Steve Austin.

It’s only fitting that this real life Antihero get his own special day, as he reached beyond the world of professional wrestling and made his mark on pop culture. You don’t need to be a wrestling fan to know about the iconic catchphrases, the t-shirts, the middle fingers, and the hell-raising attitude. For all of the classic & outrageous moments Mr. Austin has given us (we’re giving him a pass on creating the “WHAT?” chant, which is the MOST ANNOYING chant, still used today). 

Now before Austin opens a can of whoop-ass on us, we picked out 5 reasons why the man is awesome.

AUSTIN STUNNED THE DONALD

The line of people who want to get their hands on Donald Trump is pretty long at this point and getting longer with each passing day. Back in 2007, Stone Cold was fortunate enough to do just that. At WrestleMania 23, Austin was the referee in the “Battle of the Billionaires” match that had Donald Trump squaring off against Vince McMahon. While McMahon lost and had his head shaved by the Donald, the victorious Trump got a parting gift from Austin. And by gift I mean a kick in the gut followed by a “Stone Cold Stunner.” 

It’s not often that a presidential candidate gets beat up in front of millions, but it happened. Watching all of the recent political debates, I imagine many of you have played this scenario in your head: where you’re the one whipping Donald Trump’s ass. Austin was just man enough to do it, as he had some laughs and a few beers while Trump flopped around the mat like a dying fish.

Now if we could just get Austin to attend a debate and introduce himself to Bernie, Hillary and Cruz…

THE BEST WRESTLING PROMO EVER

“You can finally go home, look yourself in the mirror and get a little piece of mind because you will know, you were indeed beaten by a real man.” With that declaration directed at Bret “The Hitman” Hart, Austin put the finishing touch on the most epic and badass wrestling promo of all-time.

The video (just over a minute-long) is like an art-house short film on steroids.  Ahead of its time and overflowing with aggression, the black and white piece has Austin pacing around an abandoned warehouse ready to fight. You couldn’t have conjured up a better buildup for their match at Survivor Series 1996. It’s magnifique!

WRESTLER. BRAWLER. SINGER-SONGWRITER???

Is anyone ever going to mistake Austin’s voice for that of Adele's or Bruno Mars’? Hell No! Could Stone Cold be a finalist on The Voice or American Idol? Don’t think so.

It’s no shocker that the man is a horrible singer. Can’t carry a note to save his life but that doesn’t matter! Watching him perform and butcher a song is more entertaining and satisfying than having to sit through “Pop” acts like Beiber or Selena Gomez.

When Austin picks up a guitar, we usually expect him to smash it over his opponent’s head. In the latter half of his career, the damage he did with it was aimed at our eardrums. His character veered into a comedic and quirky space which resulted in him attempting to play the guitar and serenade McMahon and others wrestlers.

Just take a listen to these melodies between Austin and The Rock:

And here’s a side of Austin you can never unsee:

Revisit "8 Hilarious Songs Sung By Pro Wrestlers"

CLEAN UP IN AISLE 3:16

A trip to your local supermarket is about as mundane an errand as you can find. But not when you’re “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. The man had an all out brawl with Booker T, turning an entire grocery store into his own personal Double Dare set. I actually remember seeing this live during a 2001 episode of SmackDown. It was so outrageous and over-the-top that I can still clearly see parts of the segment.

Condiments were flying, fruit was smashed and milk was spilled, as Booker T was turned into a human cake mixture, covered in eggs and flour. This will forever go down as a Top 5 highlight in SmackDown’s history!

SOMEONE GIVE ME A DAMN BEER

Sure there’s been Elvira and Spuds MacKenzie, but never has there been a better spokesperson for beer than “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. Beer is the spinach to Stone Cold’s Popeye. He’s the king of the beer bash! It’s hard to find one of his matches when he doesn’t either use it as a weapon or bathe in it after a victory.

So falling under the “no-brainer” category, Austin has teamed up with El Segundo Brewery to create “Steve’s Austin’s Broken Skull IPA.” What’s more awesome than having your own beer?! I haven’t tried it yet but I imagine the only way to drink it is to open two bottles, rain the beer on top of you as you chug it in your mouth. Legions of Austin fanatics may never know how it feels to be a badass like their hero, but they will be able to enjoy the rattlesnake’s ale. Guaranteed to put a goatee on your face (that might be a stretch). 

Happy 3:16 Day, everyone!

Credit - John Verive