Search

This week we do our first ever streaming reviews from incognito mode.

Every week I'll be here to reveal and review some of my favorite moments from the internet. Whether it be binging television shows, streaming sports, or simply getting lost in a YouTube rabbit hole, I'm here to give you my top picks every Friday, as well as the perfect paring to get into an optimal headspace for themThis week, we're spending some time in incognito mode watching an attempt to take streaming porn mainstream.

 

Bang.Fit


Recommended Pairing: 
Your cell phone and an open-minded partner (if applicable).

The summer between high school and college was a true seminal moment for me. I had just caught wind of friends and peers engaging in sexual relations and I remember thinking, Oh shit! We're allowed to do that now?!

I just couldn't believe it.

I mean, I knew about sex (the internet was just starting to really get into the swing of things), but for some reason it hadn't yet occurred to me that I could be an active participant. At the time I was definitely into girls; however, I was mostly into playing guitar and learning to drink excessively.

I had no game whatsoever (not that I do now), but at least back then I didn't have to give myself a pep talk to take my shirt off. If only I knew then what I know now... Sometimes I wish I had been a Pawnee Ranger.

Anyways...

Earlier this week I stumbled onto a link I assumed was a bit of a funny publicity stunt. A little viral campaign aimed at marketing PornHub as the mainstream respite for folks with aching loins and a few minutes to kill. As I dug further I quickly came...to the conclusion that this simple program and app was not only absolutely genius, but possibly a first look into a whole new genre of programming.

Behold, Bang.fit - "The fitness miracle gyms don’t want you to know about."

It only takes a second to get everything synced up. Grab your phone, punch in a code, select the number of players (I laughed out loud when I saw that there was an option for one player), then the next thing you know you're balls deep into a "workout"—though it's really more like Guitar Hero, where your dick is the whammy bar.

The real brilliance of the site is that it really is marketed for couples. This wasn't made to be jacked off to. I mean, I'm sure that's gonna happen, but it really feels like its own thing. The video has the familiarity of a regular old porno video, but also the feel of a real workout video. 

The thing that really jumped out to me is that it is a viable option for couples who can't decide between going for a hike or watching Netflix. It's fun, it's funny, and if it can help incorporate more healthy sex for couples I think it'll open the door for more high quality interactive programming for adults and couples.

Encouraging a sex positive attitude is great, but I'm genuinely curious if BangFit can get me fucking fit.

 

The Sex Factor


Recommended Pairing: 
A bottle of Boone's Farm white trash wine.

Bang.Fit works because it comes across as fresh and fun. It doesn't take itself too seriously. It's just there to be enjoyed and even strives to serve a higher purpose than just a simple sexual catalyst.

The Sex Factor, on the other hand, is nothing more than a mixmash of all of the tired tropes you find in a traditional "reality show," only this one shows P going into V (amongst other things). I understand what they're trying to do, it just feels cheap. Nobody seems to have much fun making it, and I can't imagine anybody actually enjoyed watching it. 

The first episode is overflowing with all of the cringeworthy moments you'd expect form a reality competition— Cattiness, stupid challenges, "expert judges" and even a guy crying after being voted off.

 That last part was actually pretty funny. I've already tried to use this line as general advice to a few people with mixed results. I honestly hope it becomes the catch phrase on the show, essentially the porn equivalent to, "Make it work." 

The big misstep here is that they shouldn't have tried to make it so serious. A porn competition with high stakes? Please. 

This would have been way more fun to watch if it was a full-on porn parody of the X-Factor. Are porn parodies out of fashion these days? When I was a kid we could spend hours coming up with possible porn parodies:

Will He Wonk Her in the Chocolate Factory?
The Furious Pace in Benjamin's Butthole

So here's my pitch: How about a parody of Chopped where contestants perform a variety of sex acts with items from their mystery baskets. Then we get to watch the judges critique their performances and give honest feedback. 

"You know, I really like what you did with the plunger. Most people immediately want to use the plunger end, but I thought it was a smart move to just use the stick end. Great job."

Now can someone with extra time on their hands take this logo:



And change it to say "FUCKED" with a floppy cock wedged between the C and the K?
Cool. Thanks.

Until next time, I'll be trying to get rock hard working out with BangFit. 

Close

Press esc to close.
Close
Press esc to close.
Close

Connecting to your webcam.

You may be prompted by your browser for permission.