Sports entertainment owes everything to one man: Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Of course, its roots were already firmly in place when Vince bought the company from his father—Vince McMahon, Sr.—back in 1982; but for all intents and purposes, everything you love (and hate) about the WWE exists because of Junior.

Vince is to sports entertainment what Lemmy is to Motörhead, what a late-night Coors binge is to early morning diarrhea, and what Mike Huckabee is to tasteless jokes. It’s nearly impossible to have one without the other.

Vince controls every ounce of what unfolds each week on Raw. And SmackDown! And NXT. And the pay-per-view events. And the Studios films. And on, and on, and on. He’s notorious for being a control freak, and has a long history of eliminating dissenting voices.

So if that’s the case—which it most certainly is because I just said so and everyone knows that everything posted on the Internet is 100% true—that begs one question: Where the fuck is he?

As far as I can tell (and correct me if I’m wrong), Vince last showed his face at a WWE event last November when he showed up on Raw to make an announcement about the upcoming Survivor Series.

If that’s true, that means Vince didn’t even make an appearance at WrestleMania. WRESTLEMANIA!!! Of course, Vince turns 70 this August, which got me thinking: How could he return to the spotlight without having to put himself in danger by doing shit like this:

And then it hit me: What if he were to return to his roots. Back in the day, Vince was a ringside commentator alongside Jesse “The Body” Ventura. It was revealed years later that he actually owned the company, a fact that blew my little child mind at the time. It's my opinion that Vince should once again pull up a chair behind the announcer’s table. Here are five reasons why.

1. He needs to show his face again

Some CEOs don't need to become the literal face of the company they run (and others, like Donald Trump, should but unfortunately don’t), but Vince isn’t one of them. He's an amazing businessman, but he’s also created a wonderfully rich character for himself over the decades. He’s the best villain the company has ever seen. He forces his opponents to tie their hands behind their backs before fighting them, for Christ’s sake!

So while fans are willing to bow down and kiss the hallowed ground Vince walks on, they prefer to boo him while doing it. And it’s hard to do either of those things when Vince is invisibly pulling strings from backstage like the Man Behind the Curtain in Emerald City.

2. He’s great on the mic

Vince knows how to rile up a crowd better than anyone. Here are 50 examples. Seriously: FIFTY EXAMPLES.

3. McMahon + JBL = RIDICUBALLS (Like “amazeballs,” but better)

It’s no secret that I think JBL’s ringside commentary is one of the high points of wrestling right now, so having him alongside the Chairman of the Board would be a wonderful thing to witness.

Vince and JBL can be the announcing tag-team heels to Cole and Lawler’s face opposition. And if there's ever a lull in the back-and-forth between sides, Vince and JBL can just talk about how rich they are, how Obama is the Devil, and how it’s okay for the poor to pay higher tax percentages than corporations. Their friendship will dwarf even the one JBL shared with APA tag-team partner Ron Simmons!

What do you think about that, Ron?

4. It would be like coming home

Remember what it felt like when they staged a reunion episode of Seinfeld on Curb Your Enthusiasm? Seeing Vince back behind the table would feel a lot like that, only with Jesse “The Body” Ventura as a sidekick instead of George Costanza.

My childhood was defined by listening to Vince and Jesse trade barbs on Saturday Night’s Main Event, and being able to relive that—even if only briefly—would make me feel like I was ten years old again, sitting cross-legged on the floor six inches away from the tube with a bowl of popcorn in my lap.

And it would probably look a lot like this:

5. What does Vince have left to prove?

Sure, not all of his ventures have worked out (yes, I’m looking at you, XFL), but his list of successes far outweighs his failures. He buried all his competition over the years. He has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, holds a Guinness World Record for Oldest WWE Champion (1999), and owns a 47-foot sports yacht named Sexy Bitch. 

He’s also forced more men to kiss his ass than most porn stars. Oh, and did I mention HE’S A BILLIONAIRE?!? The man could opt to stay in bed for the rest of his life and he’d still be making more money than any of us will ever see.

You’ve already done it all, Vince, so why not return to the table for the fans.

I’m pretty sure Cole, JBL, and Lawler will welcome you back with open arms. Not like they’ll have any say in the matter.