Who says the sport of boxing is dead? 

The recent (premature) online release of the trailer for next year's Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, as well as planned special screenings of that trailer at select IMAX theaters across the country, has given this upcoming blockbuster the feel of a professional prizefight. Just think of the advance hoopla surrounding the film on the same level as the hype and spectacle that infuse pre-fight press conferences.

Any minute now the pushing and shoving will start, and then Ben Affleck is going to compare himself to Alexander the Great and threaten to eat Henry Cavill's children.

Let's make one thing crystal clear, though: No matter how good Batman v. Superman might end up being, the film and the title characters' onscreen throwdown will never be on par with any of the best fights of boxing's heyday. We're not talking Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier here. Or even something comparable to the somewhat disappointing bout between Floyd Maryweather and Manny Pacquiao. 

And there's a good reason for that. Batman and Superman have had less-than-illustrious relationships with the sweet science. These two bigger-than-life characters are better off battling bareknuckled in the streets or the clouds, not lacing up gloves and squaring off between the turnbuckles. In fact, when either of these superheroes has stepped into a boxing, they've looked like Vanilla in Celebrity Boxing, not Robert De Niro in Raging Bull.

To prove this point, we go five rounds each with Batman and Superman, spotlighting the times they've settled scores in the boxing ring over the years and how they've fared in those instances.

BATMAN, ROUND 1: Crying Over Onions, Not Punches

Batman #6 (1941), written by Bill Finger, illustrated by Bob Kane, Jerry Robinson and George Roussous. (DC Comics)

The Opponent: Biff Mafey, a dirty boxer backed by gangsters and a corrupt alderman.  

The Decision: After taking the place of the champion opponent in this rigged fight, Batman knocks out Mafey but not before the fighter makes the Dark Knight look foolish with the worst Good Will Hunting impression ever. 

SUPERMANBOY, ROUND 1: Man of Steel, Chin of Glass

AAdventure Comics #273 (1960), written by Jerry Siegel and illustrated by George Papp. (DC Comics)

The Opponent: Ted Grahme, a Smallville teen who becomes stronger than Superboy thanks to a meteorite.

The Decision: Down goes Superboy! Down goes Superboy! Grahme knocks down the Boy of Steel with a single uppercut. Maybe next time he won't lead with his chin and will actually try to dodge tge punch.

BATMAN ROUND 2: An Alter Ego Trip Into the Ring

Detective Comics #174 (1951), written by Bill Finger and illustrated by Bob Kane, Lew Sayre Schwartz and Charles Paris. (DC Comics)

The Opponents: A series of pro boxers who take on millionaire Bruce Wayne in charity matches for the Gotham Childrens' Hospital. 

The Decision: Although he trained using a Rocky montage, Bruce Wayne took a dive in his final fight as part of a plan to take down a crooked boxing promoter. However, most of Wayne's boxing career is spent pretending to act like an egotistical dick to Robin because he didn't trust his sidekick to accidentally ruin his scheme. Which is pretty dickish to begin with. 

SUPERMAN, ROUND 2: Fighting for Acceptance

Superman #164 (1963), written by Edmond Hamilton and illustrated by Curt Swan and George Klein. (DC Comics)

The Opponent: Lex Luthor, who goads Superman into traveling to another planet so the two can box in a fair fight without superpowers. 

The Decision: Superman knocks out Luthor, which is all part of the bald guy's plan. In fact, Supes loses the minute he accepts Luthor's challenge, because he thinks everyone will look down on him if he's not able to use brute strength to demonstrate his superiority over his arch-nemesis. That's an awful lot of insecurity for a man who can leap tall buildings in a single bound. In the end, Luthor's able to give Superman quite the black eye, literally and figuratively.

BATMAN, ROUND 3: Blame It on Pluto

Detective Comics #260 (1958), by Sheldon Moldoff and Charles Paris. (DC Comics) 

The Opponent: An alien from Jupiter, who fights Batman in an anti-gravity boxing globe as part of an interstellar Olympic games.

The Decision: Batman beats the Jupiterian, but only because someone rigged his gloves, which leads to accusations of cheating. Batman avoids an intergalactic incident by clearing himself and findng the real saboteurs: those racist Plutonians who hate all Earthlings.

SUPERMAN, ROUND 3: Super-Cheaters Always Win

Superman #168 (1964), written by Edmond Hamilton and illustrated by Curt Swan and George Klein. (DC Comics)

The Opponent: One-Round O'Rourke, a boxer in 1906 San Francisco who KOs his sparring partners thanks to brass knuckles in his gloves.

The Decision: Superman distinguishes himself by time traveling and showing he can cheat with the best of them. He's not above secretly using his super-breath or super-teeth in order to embarrass a simple human being. On the upside, it appears Superman has strengthened his chin since he was Superboy, given that O'Rourke knocks himself unconscious on it. 

BATMAN, ROUND 4: Not Quite the Riddle of Leon Spinks

Batman, "Ring Around the Riddler" (1967). (Warner Bros. Television)

The Opponent: The Riddler (played by Frank Gorshin), and frankly, it doesn't matter why they're fighting in a boxing match.

The Decision: Honestly, I really can't badmouth this boxing match from the late '60s Batman TV series. I love the shorts over the bat costume. I love Frank Gorshin. And I love that there's a brief appearance from Batgirl (played by Yvonne Craig). What's the old saying about exceptions and proving rules?

SUPERMAN, ROUND 4: Stings A Lot Harder Than a Bee

Superman vs. Muhammad Ali (1978), written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by Neal Adams, Dick Giordano and Terry Austin. (DC Comics)

The Opponent: Muhammad Ali, who at the time was on the downward trajectory of his boxing career but still the World Heavyweight Champion. 

The Decision: Forget Batman's vicious thrashings of the Man of Steel in the pages of Batman: The Dark Knight Returns and Batman: The Dark Knight Strikes Again. Superman's greatest beat down comes at the hands of Ali. Don't concern yourself with why Muhammad Ali and Superman are fighting. Or how a normal human is able to put such a whuppin' on a Kryptonian. Just think of this as Superman's comuppance for all his superdickery over the years.

(From left) Batman: The Dark Knight Returns (1986), by Frank Miller, Klaus Janson and Lynn Varley; Batman: The Dark Knight Strikes Again (2001), by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley. (DC Comics)

BATMAN, ROUND 5: A Bat and a Cat Fight Over a Dog

The Brave and the Bold #118 (1975), written by Bob Haney and illustrated by Jim Aparo. (DC Comics)

The Opponent: Wildcat, a superhero and former boxer who is forced by the Joker to fight Batman with disease-infected steel gloves in order to save the life of a dog that has the cure for the disease, which also is killing prison inmates. 

The Decision: Does anyone really win when a clown forces you to violence by more or less re-enacting one of those sad SPCA commercials? All that was missing was Sarah McLachlan singing in the background. Now if the Joker had drawn down on a unicorn or Sockington the cat …  

SUPERMAN, ROUND 5: Man of Steel vs. Boxer of Steel

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, "Requiem for a Superhero" (1993). (Warner Bros. Television)

The Opponent: Tommy Garrison (played by Joe Sabatino), a pro boxer who's secretly bionic arms surgically attached to his body by Lois Lane's dad.

The Decision: And we come full circle, as Superman (played by Dean Cain) leads with his chin yet again. And gets put on his ass. Yet again. Fortunately, Superman gets back on track thanks to an old lady in the crowd who has more boxing savvy than the Man of Steel.