I close my eyes, I fall back to my happy place.
I feel invincible your holding my hand everyone is looking and yet I feel untouchable.
Dark large building, so loud I can hear someone near by. All I can think about the warmth of your skin against mine. The base of the music so loud it shakes your insides as you go round and round.
Then I have to open my eyes and get back reality.

I'm at a loss today, I can do and feel is that my soul misses you, normally I can drown out the sorrow with daily life, hard work filling the pain with others including my own daughter today it's so quiet I'm all alone in the extra pull is torture. I know it's crazy and forever but when I close my eyes it's like no time it's past. My soul picked you before you were even mine and now for some reason it won't let go.

So i sit here 28 a week before i turn 29, i im drained. I have no drive and no fun anymore. tired dont want to do this anymore

So nee job is going good the pay increase was needed!!! I like my boss and it 3rd shift soo the hours are what i need. But we are still so behind on bills and Christmas id here all i want to do is curl up into a ball and cry. Im goin to have to let the cable get shut off again we need food more. The list of things we need is never ending and the money is sooo slim. Need a new bed this one hurts us both bad, i need a new car, youkon needs to be fixed, get caught up on Morgage. I wish i could pay my bills and have enoff to take my husband out on a date. :( maybe after a few more checks.

So we habe been struggling financialy for a bit and i have been trying to work with my employer to get more hours but enough is enough. I ahow up do a Damn good job and this is the end. This is my last week next week need a new job 14+ hour and 40 hours or more im sick of never having money.
Bye bye social life

So I have been trying to be supportive with my husband's horrible week two deaths in the family with Ben a week don't go first and then 3 Days Later his grandmother I can't imagine that all I can seem to do is hold him comfort him tell him a few of my stories doesn't seem like enough with the most recent being his grandmother she seemed to have lived along very fruitful life went to church often had for kids I believe 15 grandchildren and several great-grandchildren which included Joya and all I could think was wow that won't be Linda or my mother been trying for over 2 years now can't seem to give Joya a sibling can't seem to give Kyle another child a son I feel like a failure every month when I get my. Period. Or when I take a test and it's negative again I don't know why I keep putting myself through this

So its been bugging me, a few weeks ago i had a talk with someone.... Well it turns out im a sucker a dumb cunt.... So we talked and he wantes to apologize for how things turned out.
He told me that he thought it was fun to see if he could get couples to split up. He said he had ruined a lot of happy homes as he laughed...... Wtf. Exact words was one of many. He said he would make girls fall for him, buy using his disability and his lisening skills and point out problems in there current relationship.
What makes it worse is the short relationship we had after killing my almost decade long relationship. I thought was real and nice....... Wrong!! He says he dosnt even remeber being with me!!!!! YOU RUINED MY LIFE AND YOU DONT REMEMBER.
Well nice to know thanks......... block
Now wondering if all men are scum and just pretend......
By for now

I sit here and feel nothing.... Not joy not happiness. Its been to long. I know this person.... Looks the same but dosnt act the same.... What kind of person judges another persons body and out load for that matter to my face. Breath, blow it off. It wasnt ment like that. Im not a drama filled boom waitting to explode, stop jumpping to conclusions. You say you have changed well so have i. Im not 21 anymore, i dont stay out and party all the time. I would rather sit home with my daughter then be out danceing at a club or drink in a bar. Time dose not stop every time you leave and pick back up when you get back. I can sit in the same room as my ex and have a normal conversation with them. Im sick of people assuming things about me. If you dont hear it from me then probably isnt true.

Miss this