Stay cautious, this could happen to you
The welly thief
“Some absolute rotter – some unconscionable gremlin, some little tinker – stole my wellies in the middle of a mud bath at Glastonbury. So I bought a pint and a plate of delicious duck confit and reconvened to the lovely bar next door. It was a sanctuary of cushions and sofas in the midst of the squalor. Punters were requested to leave their wellies at the edge of the bar and pad across the pristine carpet. This oasis seemed to float above the mud. Yet when time came for Stormzy’s set, I realised with dawning horror that my wellies were not where I had left them and were nowhere to be seen. Panicking, I stumbled, in my socks, into the mud at the edge of bar and frantically searched for them. But they were, presumably, snugly nestling the evil feet of whatever fucking Brexit voter took them. After about 15 minutes of sloshing up and down like Swamp Thing, I asked a random bloke if I could borrow his pair and walk to buy some new ones. He agreed to do so only if I gave him my phone as insurance. Not to harsh Glastonbury’s vibe, but I hope something vaguely unpleasant happens to that man.” – NME’s Jordan Bassett
The lesser-known poo girl
“I was at Latitude Festival. My phone slipped out my hand and I was drunk and thought that putting my hand in the toilet was worth saving the £600 for a new phone… So I did, and spent the remainder of the weekend reevaluating my life for doing so.” – Anon
This guy didn’t have a nice day
“I accidentally heard Stereophonics for a few minutes. It was a few years ago and I’m doing much better now but I still get occasional flash backs. Sometimes I can’t sleep in case I have my recurring nightmare about Kelly Jones sat on the edge of my bed explaining the lyrics of ‘Mr Writer’ to me in painstaking detail. There’s a lesson here, kids.” – Kevin Gouldsmith, via Facebook
The kid who got ripped off
“I sold a Smartie to a kid for a fiver who thought it was a pill.” – Tom, Melbourne
