This week we're finally deleting our Yahoo! account and spending a fortune on the new Google phone.
Every week I'll be here to reveal and review some of my favorite moments from the internet. Whether it be binging television shows, streaming sports or simply getting lost in a YouTube rabbit hole, I'm here to give you my top picks every Friday, as well as the perfect pairing to get into an optimal headspace for them. This week, we're happy to let the government search around the Yahoo email account we use to sign up for crap online as we wait for the new Google phone to show up at our door.
Yahoo!
Recommended Pairing: Imitation Krab and vintage boxed white wine.
Way way back, back around my freshman year of high school, I rocked the obligatory "Nickname / Last two digits of my graduating class year@aol.com." When I went into college I dropped that silly AOL account for something marginally better — the classic, "Punny and Immature Phrase Based on a Topical Pop Culture Reference@Yahoo.com." The actual address is one of my most closely guarded secrets, the lone skeleton in my closet. It's shameful and I don't embarrass easily.
Listen, I have matured a lot since my college days. I now have both a Gmail account and my very own website with it's own email account to prove to the world I am professional enough to receive money in exchange for services rendered.
Unlike my AOL account, which I imagine is buried in a shallow unmarked digital grave somewhere in a field littered with CD-Roms touting hours and hours of free minutes, I have held onto that stupid Yahoo email account. I used it for fantasy football for a while, but mainly it was just my official junk email for shit I knew I never wanted to check on.
Does drunk Mike need a pizza late at night? Do I get free stuff if I make an account?
Cool. Here, use my stupid Yahoo account and my credit card. Up until this week, the only thing I really worried about was falling asleep before the delivery guy arrived.
Yup, Yahoo apparently built an email surveillance program for the NSA and/or the FBI.
So now the government knows hard data on my pizza consumption, the amount of times I'm willing to trade an email address for a shitty t-shirt, and the amount of times I have signed up and lurked around online dating sites.
It's official, the terrorists won.
Google Pixel
Recommended Pairing: Pepsi and Jim Beam.
I didn't know I was a Google fanboy until I got a message from them saying I could pre-order the new Google Pixel phone ahead of the big release and immediately forked over close to a goddamn grand. I didn't even really think about it. I looked at my four-year-old Google Nexus phone — a phone that had been on it's last legs for a year now — and thought, I'm gonna let you live the rest of your life in a drawer where I keep loose batteries, thumb tacks, and printed menus for local restaurants. It's the closest thing I've got to a farm for a device I suppose.
I got the receipt for the purchase and a nifty little note from them, thanking me for being a loyal fan and rewarding me with a complimentary Daydream VR facemask thingy.
Cool, I thought, I should probably check out the specs for this bad boy.
Apparently, it's new.
I don't like that Google is trying to incite a rivalry with the iPhone. Apple's already Jack and Coke, do you really want to force your way into being Pepsi and Jim Beam? Take it down a notch, Google. Just keep making quality stuff and let Apple do the same.
Aside from the tone of the marketing, I like everything I'm seeing. I mean, my old phone stood up to a huge rush of technological innovation and only just recently really started giving me problems, so I'm banking on this one doing the same.
I never want to feel loyalty to a corporation; I just won't do it. It's stupid. They don't give a fuck about me, so I return the favor. I happened to work at T-Mobile as a part time rep back when the first Google phone came out — a neat little slider device that worked its little heart out.
I was bad at my job, so I spent an inordinate amount of time dicking around on that thing (I was a borderline savant at Robo Defense). Right before I left T-Mobile for like, the 100th (and final) time, I was given another Android device. It worked well for a few years, but when it pooped out I bought my current Nexus. I was more concerned about not signing a contract than the phone brand I wanted to use.
I don't feel like I owe Google anything. If a fight broke out I wouldn't deck an Apple fanboy. What would I do, smash him over the head with my MacBook Pro that I basically run my life on?
I don't feel like I owe Google anything. If a fight broke out I wouldn't deck an Apple fanboy. What would I do, smash him over the head with my MacBook Pro that I basically run my life on?
Nah.
This isn't the column for nerding out about specs. But the Daydream VR Kit does intrigue me, and not just because I'm about to ratchet up my porn game straight to the future; it legitimately seems like there's going to be interesting content using the technology.
This isn't the column for nerding out about specs. But the Daydream VR Kit does intrigue me, and not just because I'm about to ratchet up my porn game straight to the future; it legitimately seems like there's going to be interesting content using the technology.
My best guess is that dudes will probably just use them to watch porn on the subway, though.
'Til next week.
