WWE made up for Sunday’s lackluster SummerSlam PPV event with an action-packed and surprisingly entertaining Raw on Monday night.

Fans were treated to a long list of surprises:

1. John Cena delivered an Attitude Adjustment to Jon Stewart as revenge for attacking him during his match with Seth Rollins the night before.
   
   
2. A new member joined the Wyatt Family, Braun Strowman, who previously had been a member of Adam Rose’s party posse the Rosebuds.
   
   
3. My personal favorite moment of the evening: Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley—that’s right, The Dudley Boyz—returned and took out The New Day (who had just put on a very entertaining match that involved, of all things, a trombone).

And, oh yeah, Sting showed up.

In addition to the bit being painfully drawn out—Triple H and Stephanie McMahon were just about to unveil a life-sized Seth Rollins statue for the entire world to enjoy—it didn’t even pay off once the curtain was finally dropped to reveal, sigh, Sting.

(Full disclosure: I took a long break from wrestling; like, a fourteen-year-long break. I stopped following wrestling in 1989 and didn’t tune back in until 2003. So, admittedly, I missed a lot of shit, including Sting’s entire WCW career.)

That said, I just don’t see what the big deal is with this guy. Since his WWE debut/return at Survivor Series last November he’s been... present. To be honest, I’d rather see Sting the musician show up every time Sting the wrestler was scheduled to make an appearance. At least that would be funny.

Here are five Sting (the wrestler) moments that would’ve been more entertaining if he had been replaced by Sting (the musician).

Raw: August 24^th, 2015

That’s right, we’re starting with the Raw that just happened two nights ago (mostly because I don’t have to set it up for you). Can you imagine if that curtain fell and fucking Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner (AKA Sting) had been standing there instead of Steve Borden, Sr. (AKA Sting)? Nobody (except maybe JBL) would’ve even known who in the hell he was. Audience members would’ve been all like, “Uh... what is a balding Liam Neeson doing up there?” Christ, in the amount of time it took them to unveil Rollins’ “statue” Sting the musician could’ve performed The Soul Cages in its entirety for the audience.

That would’ve been more entertaining than watching Sting sweat off his face paint before even being revealed.

WrestleMania: March 29^th, 2015

It sounded good on paper: Triple H versus Sting in what would be the latter’s first-ever WWE match.

Sadly, it didn’t play out as well live. It was slow and stilted, ending in a loss for Sting when members of D-Generation X (Shawn Michaels, Billy Gunn, Road Dogg, and X-Pac) and New World Order (Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, and Hulk Hogan) interfered with the match. But what if it had been Sting the musician in that ring? He wouldn’t have had the nWo members on his side, but he would’ve had something even better: Stewart Copeland and Andy Summers (and Henry Padovani if you’re a purist). That’s right, THE FUCKING POLICE. Personally, I’d rather see a Police reunion take place in the squared circle than watch Triple H and Sting sort of wrestle.

Fastlane: February 22^nd, 2015

Triple H and Sting go after each other with a sledgehammer and baseball bat, respectively; the segment ends with a bat to Triple H’s gut, followed by Sting’s finishing move: the Scorpion Deathdrop.

Sure, all of that sounds entertaining, but now imagine if it were being played out by Sting the musician... who then performed a victory dance around the ring, which has been completely covered in lit candles à la his 1983 classic “Wrapped Around Your Finger.”

Even more badass, right?

WCW Nitro: October 21^st, 1996

Sting’s now iconic look (black-and-white face paint, long black hair, leather trenchcoat, etc.) debuted on WCW in 1996 (on the heels of The Crow being released in theaters...hmmm).

But what if Sting the wrestler’s new look was Sting the musician dressed up as Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen from David Lynch’s 1984 film Dune?

If this doesn’t convince you how awesome this idea is, nothing will.

WWE 2K15

It was announced last summer that Sting’s first “real” WWE debut would be as two playable characters—his “Crow” and “Surfer” incarnations—on WWE 2K15, the company’s wrestling video game that would be released later that fall.

Yeah, that’s cool... but not as cool as a Sting the musician playable character. His finishing move would be called Dream of Blue Turtles, where he puts someone in a sleeper hold and then dumps out a bag of painted turtles on his opponent’s chest (à la Jake “The Snake” Roberts and Damien). As the turtles nibble on his victim’s nipples, a hidden character would run down to the ring—Eric Clapton—who would then perform a duet with Sting as they sing that shitty theme song from Lethal Weapon 3.

Go ahead... tell me that’s not a video game you want to play.