The Russian president might be the closest thing we'll get to a 'Game of Thrones' character in real life. Can you pick which quotes came from the Kremlin or the House of Lannister?
One of the joys of fiction is to read about people so strange and precious that they would have no chance of ever existing in our crude and leaden reality.
Then there are those rare occasions when individuals who look and act like they've leapt from their fictional worlds in books, comics, movies and TV shows to inhabit our real life. Like an Elon Musk embodying a modern-day Tony Stark. Or Jay-Z being the 21st century's real world answer to Jay Gatsby.
You can add Russian President Vladimir Putin. If you've ever longed to share the same air with a flesh-and-blood person who seems like he's walked out of the pages of George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire book series—A Game of Thrones, for all you TV-only types—Putin is the man for you. The former KGB agent would look at home roaming Westeros shirtless, hunting direwolves, as he does bare-chested fishing or covered-chested tiger conservation tagging in his Russian homeland.
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But it's his uncompromising demeanor and reputation as a ruthless politician that would make him a natural fixture against the backdrop of intrigue, betrayal and manipulation within the Great Houses of of the Seven Kingdoms. His ruthless conniving resembles that of Tywin Lannister, while his power-hungry ambition isn't much different than that of Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish's aspirations. And let's be honest—GAME OF THRONES SPOILER ALERT!—isn't Putin exactly how we think King Joffrey would've ended up if he would've had the good fortune of not being poisoned before finishing puberty? Couldn't you see Joffrey staging a photo op (painted portrait op?) of himself with a drugged-up tiger he purportedly shot, or horseback riding, exposed and pasty pecs jiggling in the sunlight?
Putin's penchant for a coarse and scathing turn of phrase, however, is a trait that he shares with arguably the fictional series' most popular character, Tyrion Lannister (played by Peter Dinklage in the HBO show). They both understand that the shortest distance when it comes to making a point is a sharp, off-the-cuff remark that takes no prisoners. Maybe it stems from their diminutive heights (Tyrion is a dwarf nicknamed "The Imp"; Putin is only 5-feet-7, making him one of the shortest G20 world leaders) that they're so quick and merciless when it comes to cutting their enemies down to size with their words. Or maybe they're constantly trying out new material in hopes of replacing Jeff Ross at the next Comedy Central Roast. Whatever the reason, their wry comments and biting bon mots are always entertaining, intentionally so or otherwise.
Also, the two have a checkered history of being accused—sometimes rightfully, sometimes wrongfully— of assassinating their enemies, sometimes with poison (in the cases of Joffrey and ex-KGB agent Alexander Litvinenko) and sometimes with a launched projectile (in the cases of Tywin and Russian physicist and opposition political leader Boris Nemtsov).
As A Game of Thrones begins its fifth season on HBO on Sunday, we've put together a collection of 10 quotes from Vladimir Putin and Tyrion Lannister. Your job is to choose which originated from the Kremlin and which from the House of Lannister.
Now if there were just some way to safely introduce dragons to Earth's ecosystem …
Who Said It? Vladimir Putin or Tyrion Lannister?
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1. "Sometimes it is necessary to be lonely in order to prove that you are right."
2. "Every time we deal with an enemy, we create two more."
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3. "I have worked like a galley slave throughout these eight years, morning till night, and I have given all I could to this work. I am happy with the results."
4. "He raped 10 women. I never expected it from him. He surprised all of us. We all envy him."
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5. "I remember reading an old sailor's proverb. Piss on wildfire and your cock burns off."
6. "Why are you sorry? Because you're an evil bastard with no conscience and no heart? That's what I liked about you in the first place."
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7. "The wolf knows who to eat. He eats without listening to anybody and it seems he is not ever going to listen."
8. "Turns out, far too much has been written about great men and not nearly enough about morons."
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9. "In any case, I'd rather not deal with such questions, because anyway it's like shearing a pig—lots of screams but little wool."
10. "I will hurt you for this. A day will come when you think you're safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth."
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ANSWERS
1. Putin. From a 2014 interview with Russian and French journalists.
2. Tyrion. From "Myhsa" (Season 3, Episode 10).
3. Putin. From The Truth About Putin and Medvedev.
4. Putin. From a 2006 NewsRu article, concerning rape allegations against former Israeli President Moshe Katsav.
5. Tyrion. From "Second Sons" (Season 3, Episode 8)
6. Tyrion. From "Mockingbird" (Season 4, Episode 7)
7. Putin. From his 2006 annual address to the Federal Assembly.
8. Tyrion. From "The Mountain and the Viper" (Season 4, Episode 8)
9. Putin. Quoted during a 2013 visit to Finland about not wanting to negotiate with the United States over surrendering whistleblower Eric Snowden.
10.Tyrion. From "The Prince of Winterfell" (Season 2, Episode 8)