'tis the season...!
You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout... or he’ll punch you in the eye! Who am I talking about?
No, I’m not talking about my dad when he drinks (this will be a test to see if he actually reads these articles). Instead, I’m talking about this guy:
AHHH!!! NO!!! NOT THAT GUY! THIS GUY:
Jesus Christ. That’s only slightly better than the previous one. Let’s try this again:
Definitely better! Still, let’s give it one last whirl:
Yes! That’s the guy I’m talking about! The one, the only... Santa Claus.
We’re now just two days away from having that creeper/stalker/breaker-and-enterer Santa Claus shimmy down our chimney, eat all of our baked goods, and (hopefully) leave some presents beneath our tree in the process.
Obviously, Christmas Eve/Day is a busy time for Santa Claus, but apparently in Santa’s off time he enjoys making frequent appearances on WWE brands. Here are a few of our favorite Santa moments from years past.
Santa Gets the Shit Kicked Out of Him!
You can’t make a guest appearance on Raw or SmackDown! and not get your ass beat, and apparently no exceptions will be made for Jolly Old Saint Nick.
Santa has received a stunner from Stone Cold Steve Austin...
...and even been run over by a car driven by Alberto Del Rio.
Of course, as a grown adult, seeing these sorts of moments play out is amazing. But if you’re one of those young kids in the audience who still happens to believe...well, let’s just say some moms and dads were probably forced into some pretty awkward conversations on the drive home that night.
Guess what Santa and wrestling have in common, kids? They’re both fake!
Santa Gets Awkward!
FACT: You can’t shoot bits centered around a chubby bearded guy who encourages kids to sit on his lap and not have things get weird.
Like this painfully long bit (it’s nearly five minutes) between Santino Marella and Yoshi Tatsu, where they each take turns playing Santa Claus:
Or this other painfully long bit between Santa Claus, Ryback, Curtis Axel, and the Miz:
But the winner of “Most Awkward Santa Wrestling Moment” goes to the December 25th, 1993 episode of WCW Saturday Night, when The Shockmaster (AKA Fred Ottman) read A Night Before Christmas (along with sound effects) to a room full of children.
No gimmick. No irony. No wrestling angle. Just all creepy.
Santa Gets Generous!
Like this moment from 2008, when Goldust rattles off his Christmas gifts list for the WWE roster:
Or this moment from SmackDown! in 2011, when Santa Claus grants Hornswoggle the ability to talk:
Awww... it’s kind of sad to see both Dusty Rhodes and Rowdy Roddy Piper together in that clip. Crazy to think they would pass away within a month of each other just four years later.
Santa is a Shill!
Wanna move a lot of new WWE merch in the upcoming holiday season? Who better to hawk your goods than Santa Claus himself?
Who knew that workshop elves made replica Championship belts at the North Pole! And by “North Pole” I mean “China.”
Santas Brawl!
Who doesn’t want to watch two grown men dressed up as Santa Claus kick the ever-living shit out of each other? I know I do!
Enjoy this two-part bit/brawl between Mark Henry and Damien Sandow (AKA Good Santa versus Bad Santa) from 2013.
And finally, I can’t talk about wrestling and Santa Claus without encouraging everyone to check out the amazing Mick Foley-fronted documentary I Am Santa Claus.
Happy holidays from me... and I guess these folks, too:
