Russell
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"I hate the way my pee smells after I drink coffee."
Male
29 years old
Houston, Texas
United States
Last Login: 9/5/2008
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Mood:
quixotic
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Russell's Interests
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| Music | Anything that makes me want to rip my clothes off and run around my house screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs for all the world to hear.
For example...
Blink 182.
Yellow Card.
Elvis Presley.
The theme song to Fraggle Rock.
The theme song to Charles In Charge.
Rap - I will stop listening to it when they stop making it so good.
| | Movies | Gotta love the classics like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore.
Super Troopers - My girl hates watching that with me cause I quote the entire movie.
Pretty much anything that will make me pee myself cause it's funny. Hey don't laugh it has happened before.
Good Fellows - Ever since I could remember, I wanted to be a gangster.
The old Transformers movie from the 80's | | Television | Who has time to watch T.V.... Oh yeah, I do.
Mythbusters - By far best show on T.V.
Shark Week
Deadliest Catch
Future Weapons
Our you seeing a trend, I watch a lot of Discovery Channel.
Family Guy
Survivor Man - That's guys like amazing or something.
Thundercats
Voltron
He-Man
Dateline - God I sound old saying that but I love to catch a predator. | | Books | Yes I admit it, I am a huge book nerd. In fact I went and got the last Harry Potter book the day it came out and finished it in a week.
Myth Conceptions by Robert Asprin
Alas Babylon - One of the best books ever.
Any Dan Brown book.
Fight Club go get the book it's very different then the movie.
Of course Playboy, yes I do read the articles.
Where the Wild Things Are
Hitchickers Guide to the Galaxy - The answer is 34.
| | Heroes | My parents, they are by far the best parents a person could ask for and I love them to death.
FDNY 343 - Never forgotten.
Any Fire/EMS/Police/Military personal out there.
And of course Superman |
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Russell's Details
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| Status: | In a Relationship | | Here for: | Friends | | Orientation: | Straight | | Hometown: | Houston | | Body type: | 6' 0" / Athletic | | Ethnicity: | White / Caucasian | | Religion: | Christian - other | | Zodiac Sign: | Virgo | | Smoke / Drink: | No / Yes | | Children: | Someday | | Education: | College graduate | | Occupation: | Regional Account Manager | | Income: | $75,000 to $100,000 |
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Russell's Schools
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Sam Houston State University
Huntsville, TEXAS
Graduated: 2002
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Bachelor's Degree
Major: Photography / Sociology
Clubs: Sigma Phi Epsilon
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1997 to 2002 |
Spring H S
Spring, TEXAS
Graduated: 1997
Student status: Alumni
Degree: High School Diploma
Clubs: Band Nerd
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1993 to 1997 |
University of Sydney
Sydney, Australia
Graduated: 1974
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Ph.D.
Major: Dingo Hunter Extradinare
Minor: Playing In the Outback
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1970 to 1974 |
University Of Alaska Anchorage
Anchorage,Alaska
Graduated: 1967
Degree: Master's Degree
Major: Moose Fecal Recovery
Minor: Igloo Construction
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1963 to 1967 |
American Academy Of Dramatic Arts
New York,New York
Graduated: 1960
Degree: Postdoctoral
Major: Game Show Host
Minor: Wheel of Fortune - Wheel Spinning
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1956 to 1960 |
Manhattan School Of Music
New York,New York
Graduated: N/A
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Master's Degree
Major: Percussion
Minor: Harmonica
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1956 to 1959 |
New York U School Medicalicine
New York,New York
Graduated: 1956
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Ph.D.
Major: Neurosurgery
Minor: P.E.
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1954 to 1956 |
Princeton University
Princeton,New Jersey
Graduated: 1952
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Bachelor's Degree
Major: Aeronautical Engineer
Minor: Nuclear Research
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1950 to 1952 |
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Russell You ever have to pee so bad that your eyes hurt?
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Russell's Latest Blog Entry
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Is it me or do they look alike?
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Smack my Ass and call me sally it must be the end of the world…
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Men are so easily manipulated...
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Russell's Blurbs |
About me:
You've arrived at the personal site/blog/MySpace/home of a 29-year-old allergic to cats, sports car driving, not sure what he wants to do with his life, music playing and dancing fool - Russell. I mean other than that what can I say about myself?
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Who I'd like to meet:
I'd love to have lunch with Bill Clinton. I bet he and I would have a nice long meal where we started off with salad as we discussed his '92 campaign. He'd probably order wine, which would be awkward 'cause it'd be lunch and I'd be a dude, but his affable manner and cordial demeanor would diffuse any uncomfortable rumblings from the other patrons. As we sipped our wine (white, I bet) I'd talk to him about how he managed the crazy economy of the 90's, and why he thought it wasn't sustained. He'd probably point out that no boom can come without a bust, and he'd be right. By meal's end we'd walk around the grounds sampling some fine brandy which would go quite nicely with the Cuban cigars he had smuggled in, laughing about that whole Lewenski thing.
I'd love to talk to Colin Powell about how he could've let that whole Iraq thing happen. Brunch with Van Gogh at his zaniest would have been fresh. I'd love to have drinks with Jean Beaudrillard and ponder the substantial vaccousness of America. If I met Ghandi I'd rub his belly in my best approximation of the Ignorant Frat Boy.
I'd like to meet up with Faruka Balk and just stare into her eyes without speaking, pay the bill and calmly walk away.
Shooting up with Sid and W.S. Burroughs in one room would be a meeting I'd take (minus the heroin). Killing time with Bob Marley wouldn't suck, as he'd roll up a huge fatty and we'd talk about the nature of art, communication and love. I'd request the minutes from my meetings with Hammurabi, Jesus, Budda, Gengis Kahn and Keeanu Reeves.
I'd like to meet the sisters Simpson and Duff all at once, kind of a round table thing where we'd push aside the fluff and got down to the nitty gritty nuts and bolts political and philosophical issues I know they're all dying to talk about. I read an essay by Ashlee once called "The Theory of Forgetting and the Problem of Matter" that blew my mind and I can't remember which Duff wrote "Capturing the Sinai: The Modern Ramifications of Israeli Success in the Arab Peninsula", but it really opened my eyes to the real politik of the mid-east region.
If I met Clay Aiken I'd pinch his cheeks and wish him the best of luck. I'd like to meet up with the hombre that invented burritos, buy him one from Taco Cabana and ask him what he thought of his progeny now. Were I ever to meet Scott Baio I'd thank him for his exceptional work in Charles in Charge, to which I owe the bulk of my social skills. I'd like to meet others, but they frankly don't warrant mention here, excepting how much I wish I could hang out with Tiffany Amber Theissen
Buddy Lembeck from Charles In Charge, Doc the old man from Fraggle Rock, Mr. Belvedere, Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli and Ralph Malph from Happy Days. The next time you are having a bad day, think about this... You're a Siamese Twin. Your brother, attached at the shoulder, is gay. You're not. He has a date coming over tonight. You only have one ass... I would like to meet a girl/woman who is Real, I don't like game players or liars. Someone who is Honest, Faithful, Loves to have fun, and someone who believes as I do, that communication is very important in a relationship or even a potential relationship. I would want someone who is Attractive at least in my eyes. I do prefer the Slender to Average look. Of course she will love to cuddle. I am Not looking for a player, or someone who sleeps around. I am very sensual, and would prefer the same.
"Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run-he hates that!"
Things that make me want to drive off a cliff:
Day jobs.
People who think they're funny but they're so so so not. Allow me to provide examples: the "let's kiss the boss's ass by laughing at his jokes" humor
the "let's tell good clean jokes because kids are around" humor...good, clean Christian humor is enough to drive me to the bottle (not that I need an excuse...)
the sheltered girl trying to act sassy by snapping her fingers and saying "you go girl" kind of humor...In fact I think non-black people should be forbidden from saying the following words: "crunk", "holla", "girlfriend" (unless you are referring to someone who is actually your girlfriend), "playa", and "shawty". Trust me, you cannot pull it off, and pull up those damn pants while you're at it. Dammit, anyone who lamely tries to act urban should be shot immediately.
pEOpLe wHo wRItE lIKe tHiS sHoUld hAve tHiZ ShOOd HaVE tHEIr hANdS sTaBbeD wITh a RuSTy sCrEWdRIveR.
Flakes. Oh God I hate flakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you say you're serious about something and then not back up what you say, then you really should have your genitals torn out with the claw side of a hammer.
Ivory tower "thinkers". Get a life. Please.
Materialistic plebes. There's more to life than your stupid car and your lame shoes. Do society a favor and please donate your brain to someone who will use it.
Things that I wonder about:
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with mouth wash?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Do they have girls bathrooms in gay bars?
Do you think it's trendy for young kids in Japan to get tattoos of words written in English?
Cannibalism
Do you think people taste like their ethnic background?
Do you think Mexican are spicy and do you have to have chips and salsa before you bite into one?
Chinese people are you hungry 30 minutes for more?
Black people do they taste like chicken?
White people do they taste like macaroni and cheese?
Squirrels
Do squirrels think that humans hang wires from poles so they can cross the street safely?
If so, do they ever feel betrayed in the last second before being electrocuted?
And what the *hell* do they make of that pair of sneakers?
Brain Freeze
Just what the heck is "Brain Freeze"?
And why does it cause a sharp pain (not only in my head) but along the back edge of my left armpit? I've never met anyone else who gets the pain there (though I've met many who get it in their throats, and in their sinuses).
George Jetson
When George Jetson lets Astro out of their sky-high-tower-house so that he can "do his business", does it just fall through the air randomly?
Are the drivers of passing air-cars warned away with "falling poop" signs, or do they just have to take their chances that they'll swerve in time?
Do the pedestrians below need umbrellas?
Are the pigeons impressed and/or jealous?
Or is there a specific area at one side of the building where all the dogs go, with a roped-off "landing site" far, far below? Are there targets painted down there? Do the owners place bets on their dog's accuracy and range?
Cars
When I'm in the left lane doing 105 MPH, and I pass a car doing 100 MPH, why does it take longer to pass it than it does to drive past a stationary car while doing 5 MPH?
Bubbles
Where do bubbles go when they pop?
Cereal
Why does Rice Krispies cereal go SNAP? CRACKLE? POP?
Jesus
If Jesus went to Puerto Rico and met another guy named Jesus, could you pluralize them as "Jesii?"
And if they left for a weekend in Malibu and then came back, would George Lucas make a film titled "Return of the Jesii"? If so, would Jesus have to learn how to wield a light saber, or would he just throw his halo like Xena tosses her metal whizz-ring? Would the other Jesus have enough control over the Force to deflect it, or would it cut off his arm?
Things to do before I die:
Learn the lyrics to It's the end of the world by REM
Go into a Chinese restaurant wearing a dirty wife beater and sweatpants. Place an order for Cream of Sum Yun Guy. When they tell me there is no such meal, I will tell them that my wife says that she gets it there at least three times a week. I will get more and more irate, even claiming discrimination if necessary, until someone explains the joke to me. At that point I will totally flip out, demanding to know which chef is fucking my wife until they kick me out.
Make a phone call to the Immigration and Naturalization service. Inform them that I am taking a trip to Thailand with the intention of bringing back a Thai hooker to be my love slave. Ask them what it will take to get her a green card, and if they have the number of the IRS because I want to know if I can sell her and claim a business deduction for the price of the plane ticket.
Shoot Carrot Top. I don't even think I'd go to jail.
Burst into a massage parlor with a toy gun and a fake badge shouting "FBI! Everybody outside now!" Start snapping photographs of people who come out. Offer to sell the camera to anyone who has $1000 cash on them.
Go into the poorest section of Houston I can find during the winter holiday season, without any shopping areas to draw the middle class. I will put on the worst clothing I own, take a strip of cardboard, and write "Homeless please help." on it. Then I will sit down next to the sign, shaking a change cup. Anyone who gives me change will get a $50 bill until I run out of money from the $1000 I extorted from the guys at the massage parlor.
Wait until I am diagnosed with some severe illness or degenerative condition. Come into work the next day completely naked. Sit down at my desk and start working. When people object, I will act confused. Blame it the next day on my condition. See how much severance pay I can get.
Go into the most expensive clothing store on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. Spend three to four hours with a salesperson picking out tens of thousands of dollars worth of clothing. Get the complete Royal treatment. When it comes time to pay, ask if they have layaway.
Sue anyone and everyone that I can think of. "Repressed memories" will suddenly surface, enabling me to sue my childhood preacher, my kindergarten teacher, and Desmond Tutu. I will slap suits on McDonalds, Philip Morris, Coca Cola, and anyone who has ever produced a product that I have consumed. I will then request that all the lawsuits be consolidated into one large trial. At the trial I will announce that I was just kidding, and I wanted to gather all my friends together to let them know that I think they are all really swell.
If my life was a game of Jeopardy! my 8 top categories would be?
1. Meals you make in the microwave in under 5 min
2. Useless stuff that no one needs to know
3. A college degree that will get you no where
4. Movie quotes from the 80's and 90's
5. 5 minute Eggo waffles in 2 1/2 minutes
6. Ways to waste time ending in "ing"
7. The art of doing nothing and making it look like you are doing something
8. Fraggle Rock
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| Russell's Friend Space (Top 8) |
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Russell has 1900 friends.
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