Women in tank tops, The Detroit Tigers, inexpensive ice beer, writing, 80's pop culture, The Detroit Red Wings, getting the hell out of Michigan, brunettes, drunken karaoke, illicit clouds of smoke, that hot blonde chick I saw at Target the other day, those damn Cadbury Eggs, reading stupid shit on the net, horror movies, cheap vodka, natural redheads, trying to figure out why people like Paris Hilton are stars, women with low standards in men, Cherry Coke, effective hangover cures (if they indeed exist), pretending I can sing, DeansPlanet.com and cats.
Music
The Beatles, Early Prince, E.L.O., Queen, The Who, Sappy Love Songs. Pretty much anything from the 80's, where I still mentally reside to this day.
You're not a sociopath, but you're very prone to antisocial behavior.
Other people's opinions matter little to you. You live your own fringe life - for better or worse.
Boogie Nights, GoodFellas, Fight Club, Night of the Living Dead, Purple Rain, Up In Smoke, Field of Dreams, The Natural, Pulp Fiction, The Empire Strikes Back, Falling Down, Wall Street, Sixteen Candles, Summer School, Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Amadeus, Casino
Television
Aqua Teen Hunger Force, The Simpsons, Seinfeld, Three's Company, Leave It To Beaver, He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe (Skeletor kicks ass!), Family Ties, The Wonder Years, Arrested Development.
Heroes
The Hanson Brothers. Those shady bastards that make Camo Lager. Attractive women who aren't hung up on stupid little details like "looks" and "physique".
First things first! Yes, I am the asshole who writes the column on DeansPlanet.com, a haven for wacky interviews and slightly risque girlie pics. You can check it out HERE.
Or, maybe you're sick and tired of seeing pics of Lindsay Lohan's ass, and you just want to read my shit. Screw you, it could happen! Anyway, you can find my personal collection of pointless missives and interviews HERE.
Oh, and OF COURSE I have a blog! I'm just as pretentious as you are! So, now that we have that out of the way, let's move along;
I was born a poor black child on 10 April, 1974. Well, I'm not really black... but I can cut a funky freestyle and I got some pimped out rims on my piece of shit car, so close enough. Holla. I came into this world as a breach baby, so I started out life backward. As such, I've been trying to get my shit together ever since. Having been raised in that cultural Mecca known as suburban Detroit, I learned everything I needed to know about life from Beatles records, 80's movies and Three's Company, which taught me that life is nothing more than one giant misunderstanding. It also taught me that boobs are jiggly.
These days, I live as a confirmed bachelor in an apartment that's (unfortunately) not too far from my hometown. I spend a lot of time writing and drinking incredibly cheap beer; in fact, I probably drink way too much, but that's only because I don't get along with my liver. (It's rather aloof and stand-offish.) I've been polluting the net with my bullshit ever since December, 2002, when I took my position as a DeansPlanet.com staff writer. I'm hoping to branch out a bit (read: "whore myself out for money") in the near future. Considering my overall disdain for humanity, I have no idea why I'm on MySpace. But since you're here, feel free to poke around a bit... just keep the fuck out of my liquor.
You're totally hilarious, and you can find the humor in any situation.
Whether you're spouting off zingers, comebacks, or jokes about life...
You usually can keep a crowd laughing, and you have plenty of material.
You have the makings of a great comedian - or comedic writer.
