My booking agency (My booking agency? who do I think I am? First of all they only book me for corporate shows, like if comcast is having their Christmas party at the Melting Pot in Station Square and they need someone to do 20 minutes in the corner of the room before the fondue is served (actual gig reference) My booking Agency? You would think I was nationally touring colleges and clubs with that talk) Anyways my booking agency called me when they signed me on and asked me for my bio. At that time I had just started doing stand-up and I was like, "I dont really have a bio right now." And one of the secretaries was like, "Well write one yourself then." And I was like, "I cant write my own bio, that shit is ridiculous." What the hell would I say? I didnt even know what the fuck it was I was doing on stage at that point. "Bill is probably the best comic ever." That would be my opening line! So here’s my bio that someone who barely knew me wrote two years ago:
Bills comedic nature is all about perspective and sarcasm. He mixes a blend of intelligence and the ridiculous, taking on a variety of characters and voices and the physicality of both. His sharp wit and comedic style creates obscure and humorous observations from the everyday life of a young guy. Billy has been performing (Improvisation and Sketch) for six years and recently attended the Improv Olympic in Los Angeles. A Pittsburgh native, Bill is a fresh face on the comedy scene carving a spot as one of the areas best young comedians. He is a requested comic all over the area, and is a regular on-air guest of Pittsburghs 102.5WDVE morning show.
CLICK HERE TO SEE TALENT NETWORK WEBSITE
Influences
BEST WORST GIG OF ALL TIME...BY FAR.
Members
THIS IS A COMEDY SHOW THAT MATT MULCHEN, TERRY JONES AND MYSELF WILL BE PERFORMING IN DETROIT AT WISEGUYS COMEDY CLUB ON FEBRUARY 28TH! AlSO ITS WORTH MENTIONING THIS SHOW NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
TV Shows
A few weeks ago I was out of town on vacation and when I came home there was a VHS tape sitting on an ottoman in my bedroom labeled "Your furniture is my bitch." I dug up my old VCR and popped the tape in. I sat in shock as these four young men had broken into my house, raveged my room and had the audacity to tape everything! The shamlessness of this act is both horrifying and devastating to me, my family and our furniture. I have extracted the portion of the footage that includes "Pipelayer" and my grandma’s armiore. If you recognize any of these gentlemen please notify the authorities immediately.
How the Crusades began; when Pope Urban II gave that rousing speech at Clermont with all the vigor and prestige of a true orator and summoned all of feudal Europe to take up the cross and reclaim Jerusalem. They would assemble at Constantinople and march three thousand miles to the Holy City. Robed men and knights walked along side peasants and woman under the canopy of Christendom. It would be a pilgrimage, and it would also be a war. A bunch of crazy ass shit happens along the way, then they capture the city, killing everyone inside, gutting the women and children, festooning the temples with their entrails, then they lose it again to Saladin, the Muslem leader. History fuckers...History!
Music
I'm not familiar.
Movies
Also known as "Films," these are usually one and a half hours in length. Theyre composed of celluloid images projected onto a "silver screen" and try to convey a story. You'll get some good ones here and there, but for the most part theyre crap.
Television
Books
Native Son--
Invisible Man--
An Empire of Their Own--
Guns, Germs and Steel--
Wired, The Fast Times and Short Life of John Belushi-----
The Hollywood Connection--
The Alchemist--
Still Life with Woodpecker--
Iron Men and Saints--
Indecent Exposure---
Into Thin Air----
The Comedy Writer-----
Catcher in the Rye------
Slaughterhouse Five-----
People's History of the United States-----
The Last Lecture-------
1984
Heroes
Jesus, Yaweh, Krishna, Buddha, Mohammed, Elron Hubbard, Howard Beale, Bill Hicks, Harry Potter, Ishmael, Valentine Michael Smith, Al Gore, Bigger Thomas, George Carlin, Beck Weathers, Brett Michaels, Peter Farrelly, Holden Caulfield, Winston Smith, Hunter S Thompson, Billy Pilgrim, Saul Williams, Howard Zinn and Randy Pausch.
Emerson College
Boston,Massachusetts
Graduated: N/A
Degree: Professional
Major: Pimpin Ho's and Smackin Tricks
Minor: Something Major
Clubs: THIS IS PATHETIC-Improv Troupe
GIVE ME BACK MY JEAN JACKET-Activsts
187 DEM EMONS- Religious Cult
FURRY CHEESEBURGERS AND BEARDED CLAMS- Peta
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN BIKE- Cyclists
DIE TYRA BANKS FUCKING DIE- Humanitarians
CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS- Italian Weather Consipracy Theorists
About me: I am a Pittsburgh native. I went to Emerson College in Boston on Sallie Mae's bank roll. I moved to LA to do improvisation and sketch and trained at the Improv Olympic for two years. I moved back to Pittsburgh in 2005 and I have been opening and featuring for National Headliners all over the area and have been a regular on-air guest of the WDVE morning show for the past year and a half. The Pittsburgh Improv headlined me in December of last year...and it sold out! They have now given me an opportunity to have my own nite! I am using this show as a way to bring a new form of entertainment to the Improv stage and to showcase the local talent we have here in this City. I guarentee it will be like no show you have seen. There will be stand-up sure, but each show will also feature a variety of video's, characters, sketches and music to make sure of that. The show is called "THE WORST WEDNESDAY EVER" and you can visit the Improv's myspace page for further details. Please come out and support, I promise you wont be disapointed...with Bill Crawford. Also check out my "DIESEL PRESENTS COMIC FUEL" blog for a new monthly showcase in the Southside beginning September 20th!
Pittsburgh Improv Intro
Naw fam don't worry JOJO is still alive He just passed out ha ha K-ci kept singin.....HE said "JOJO I REALLY LOOOOVVVEEEE YOOOOUUUU!!!" HA Classic crack.......
i borrowed the books from my brother so they have no record of me actually reading them. other than this all too public forum.
but don't worry, when they come to vaporize you i'll photoshop all of the pictures of you to make it seem like you never existed. konkle's gonna do the same for me.
just finished slaughterhouse five (effing amazing)just started 1984. you were right it's ominous as all hell. i'm reading it with a fearful heart, but i think a bunch of people took it as an instruction manual
I went to the airport recently and as I made my way up the escalators I got the privilege of seeing the t-rex, franco and washington. Needless to say I thought of your routine! Good observation!
