love
LOVE IS a many splendid thing. A splendor wonder of magical senses. Breath, smell, intoxicating tenses that leave you in a fog. Close your eyes leave them open, life becomes the internal and the darkness is full of light. Who are you? How did you become me? Why do I feel like I’ve found and answer in this mess of time. It doesn’t matter because it does not exist in matter. It is alter-dimensional, intangible, incalculable, and infinite. Limitless yet paralyzing, fearless yet terrifying, living and dying. A wonder of sorts, wordless. A universe of searching for the definition at the tip your lips and only finding it in a tiny kiss. Unity of soul, unity of breath, unity of heart, unity of tribe. Eating and never satisfied, eating to get sick, drinking to get drunk, breathing to hyperventilate and angry at the thought of loss. This unattainable sense, the reaching for perfection to experience it in glimpses and yet to never fully grasp it is what makes us human. To try to defeat gravity for a moment in time and suspend the physical plain. We are all here to die- but we are also here to die by truly living. Releasing fear and letting the soul fly. To have mini delectable sighs of death.
Are you my hero? Am I your hero?
Thought is gone when I begin- all the ideas that motivated me to speak suddenly disappear in the moment of action. This world, this dimension of reality is fake. Why don’t we have any understanding of ourselves? Why do we repeat the same mistakes over and over again? Why am I here? Why? Why I? The word “why?? has the sound “I?? in it. Eternally linked, eternally separate. No great discovery in sight- just glimpses of discovery and spirals into disillusionment. I don’t deserve your attention but I am breathing and I have voices in my head and feelings in my body and my mouth just won’t stop making this sound that feels like Babel. Who am I talking to? To you? But if I am you then I’m talking to myself. They say you are everyone in your dreams. Well dreaming feels awfully real to me and many times the people in them do some pretty unpredictable shit that feels about “like me?? as when I’m awake. Anyway. Tried to remember some idea on that one and couldn’t quite communicate it Try again. The reality of a dream can be very real. And the reality of reality can be very dreamy. People in life act just as random as people in dreams. So if I’m everyone in my dreams, then aren’t I everyone in my life? The transitive property of the Universe. I want sex. I want magic. I want illusion. I want mystery. I want synchronicity. I want to feel at one. My lazy life. My laziness is my happiness and yet I must deny myself that to “survive.?? Surface conversation, deep conversation, touch, extended touch, kiss, extended kiss, extended kiss and extended touch, nudity, abandon, intercourse, love, life. That is our path. To deny it or to speed through its natural process is to suffer. The God Flow. The river of God washes all resistance and suspends question. Language is separating us. Where are the words which can express one’s heart ? I have not heard them, I have not said them, I do not know them. There is only the sound and the action. Who is that inside there beating at this wall of chest? Begging to be known, begging to be heard, to be watched to be acknowledged, to be loved???
Having a hard time. Trying to sound like him. Trying to think like him Trying to move and love and fuck like him. I am not him!!!!! I am something else- something other that no one knows. That I don’t know. That I might hate. That I might love and others would love. I’m always sad. All day long laughing through tears. Smiling with sad eyes. Regretful, acquiescent, loving, and judging. I feel a mess. I long for sensual touch. I come close when I eat because it is doing it to me. I don’t have to make it feel anything. I only have to receive. Where is the strength to continue. To suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune? Everyday breaking your soul. Every joy mixed with pain. Earned joy. The weight of gravity is enough to complain about. I hate this complain-y self-righteous crap. I just don’t have the energy to rise above it. To defeat my defeat. I’m waiting for it to go away. For my soul mate to wash the hurt to uplift my downward disposition. You’re the only one who can hold your head up high. Shake your fists at the gate saying, “I’ve come home now!?? Fetch me the spirit the son and the father tell them their pillar of faith has ascended. It’s time now. My time now. Give me my wings.?? Stand up for yourself. There is nothing but that something inside raging at your brain for containing it. Let it rise and let it shock you. Hurt for what? No one can hurt you but yourself. It is a decision to be hurt by something outside of yourself. I may not have a purpose in this world. But if I go down I’m taking everything with me. I may not have a purpose here but I have a right to exist. I may not have a purpose here but I am here and that is all…
Quotes
"We're all born with a little insanity,
we musn't lose it."
-Robin Williams
"Fuck'em if they can't take a joke"
-Herschel Bernardi
"Don't Kill Ants."
-Jack Bernardi
"If every person in the world played a violin, we'd be bigger and better than monte du watley."
-Mel Brooks
"Twirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion."
-TOOL
"I'm reaching up and reaching out,
I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going..."
-TOOL
"Think for yourself
Question authority
Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself.
Think for yourself.
Question authority."
-TOOL
"You're the only one who can hold your head up high,
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
"I have come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It's time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!"
-TOOL
"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and b/c there is only one of youin all time, this expression is unique.....There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.There is only a queer,divine,dissatisfacti
on,a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others."
-Martha Graham
"I never met a Jim that wasn't nice."
-Ten
"Crocodile on my feet
Fox fur for my back
Bowtie round my neck
That's why they call me the Gangsta Mack
In the Cadillac- Yeah
Lookin' so smooth- Bout as a baby's bottom is."
-Speakerboxx
"There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge"
I can be outgoing, I can love, I can be short, I've been told I think the world revolves around me, I like to laugh, I have a distinct laugh, I like to eat, I like to push my body past the physical limits into zones deeper within, my favorite thing in the world are white christmas lights and red roses. I scream at the night sometimes, the moon smiles at me and then when its full it is in complete and utter awe of me. I can pull off great things, i can destroy great things, it's hard for me to be alone, i'm always stiff somewhere in my body, i like to be lost and spontaneously found by pure chance and divine fate. i enjoy the newness of love.
white
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