Aging hipsters are the new boomers. They're the subset of cool that's too young to remember flower power or have lived through 'Nam, but remember life before the internet, collected vinyl not because it was cool but because it was the only media available, never had to text as teenagers and could bury all their embarrassing hijinks and lame fashion mistakes because they didn't do selfies or social media.

They're the height of post-irony, post-cool, post-self reflection. They're ultimately genuinely interested and can't be bothered at the same time. They make disparaging remarks about the music of today, the outfits of today, the celebrities of today. One day, you, too, will be an aging hipster. And if you're lucky, you'll be one of these.

The Bowie

Who you are now: You’re the sex symbol that men AND women want to BE — and BE WITH. You’ve got the pouty stare, the requisite leather jacket, the skinny jeans and are good enough at the guitar to impress folks around campfire karaoke. Your tattoo sleeves are a source of endless small talk at parties. Speaking of parties, whenever you slink your way in with one date, you always leave with two more — and it doesn’t even matter that your mode of transport is your fixie. 

Who you will be in the future: You’re the dude who’ll go to a mason-jar-stocked barber to get your neck and ears shaved, and your beard will cease to be ironic. You’ll bemoan the fact that your skinny jeans don’t go over your beer belly (damn you, PBR!). You’ll end up making playlists of Nirvana and Clash songs for your toddler. But no matter what, your hair will always look good.